What are we worth?
Who decides what our values are?
What causes us to lose faith in ourselves?
What’s happening when you believe you are not capable of doing something, you are not worthy, not good enough or deserve to live a fulfilling life?
What leads you to think that way?
What about all your strengths and accomplishments before that particular situation drained you down into these negative thoughts?
Self worth comes from the inside. We create it through a belief we have and act accordingly. The thing is, we try to nurture our self-worth with external factors. Here we face a contradiction, now that we are trying to fit our belief with the belief of others and vice versa. We look for others approval, follow others desires, and hide our true feelings. We only feel worthy when we get validation from others.
That feels unsafe, right? We have no control over our self.
We fear others will reject us, stop loving us, and judge us if we don’t do what is considered as right. We are choosing to believe those limiting thoughts and that there is something wrong with us. We are choosing to feel guilty, unworthy, and unimportant.
My first year at University I wondered how come I had so many friends. That’s right, why did they like me? I barely spoke to them, never had the initiative of making plans, and never showed affection as they did to me. I felt my opinion was worth nothing compared to others. I thought they would laugh or ignore anything I had to say. I harbored insecurity and handled it by being the shadow of those strong and valid people.
They liked me for doing what they expected from me, not for who I truly was. I was becoming someone I wasn’t. I lost my identity and felt that my emotions were controlled by external validation.
I then got a shift. I wasn’t happy with myself. My negative thoughts were overtaking me. I understood that I was transmitting the wrong message to others because my self-judgment was limiting me. I wasn’t accepting my own experiences, thoughts and feelings, which continuously made my doubt myself for everything I did or said.
I asked myself what would happen if I began to share my true feelings to each one of them? What I really felt about my relationship with them, what they meant for me. What would happen if I dig inside myself and brought my true thoughts and emotions to the surface.
It’s not easy but this is what I did:
- Be Present. Don’t push away your emotions. Listen to yourself. Don’t avoid your feelings. Allow yourself to feel all sorts of emotions, either feeling pain, fear or joy.
- Validate past events. Sometimes we are afraid of present situations because they remind us of a negative event that happened in the past. We should accept and understand what happened to validate it.
- Learn. Learn about yourself. Let your emotions flow. Understand what you are feeling and why. Why you think in a certain way.
- Normalizing. Everyone has emotions. Don’t feel ashamed of feeling the way you are. It is normal and remember that others could feel the same emotion in a similar situation too.
- Stop Hiding. Be the real you. Don’t lie to yourself and pretend to be someone you aren’t. Don’t reject who you are.
We all get confused when different aspects of our lives don’t seem to fit in our vision of success. We lack direction and purpose when things don’t suit us. We struggle and wonder what’s going on? We then feel lost and stuck.
The reason we struggle with finding our self is because we accept and value ourselves through the eyes of other people.
Self worth starts out with you enjoying whom you are and having something you can take pried in.
So, what are you waiting for? Look inside and find the real you!
PS. If you can relate to this, please take a moment to contact me and share your thoughts!