We believe that technology and social media are giving us an identity and a sense of self. We build an image for ourselves that fits in today’s narcissistic generation. Truth is, most of us don’t even feel we are as great as what we show. What we are actually doing is adding layers to our insecurities. We compare, judge and evaluate ourselves, reinforcing our self-critics that are limiting our lives.
We are a generation that hides our real self, and actually believe we are someone we are not. This eventually has an impact in our behavior. We are not being sincere and clear to ourselves. In fact, we are just giving others a perspective they want to see from us, but not who we truly are.
Why do I feel insecure?
Insecurities commonly come from childhood. Comments such as “you’re stupid” “you can do better” “you are not capable of…” get to us and we grow up integrating these destructive thoughts. I have written about the internal dialogue (click for more info), that voice that doesn’t stop speaking. This dialogue accompanies our feelings of insecurity. Even if you are trying to confront life in a positive way, posting how wonderful your life is, and showing everyone everything you achieve, you still feel insecure and unworthy. WHY? That is because you don’t believe in yourself! You are just pretending to have that lifestyle you don’t own, being someone you are not, and believing in things you actually don’t. You feel unconfident because you are allowing those destructive thoughts to take possession and control over you. You are the one in charge of modifying these internalized negative thoughts into positive. You have to accept yourself first. Create a healthy attitude, set goals (click for more info) and don’t let that voice get louder!
How can I overcome Insecurity?
First of all, we must know where our insecurity comes from and the influence it has in our lives. We should know that we feel insecure in diverse aspects such as work and relationships (partner, family, friends). You may feel it in all or in one. Whatever it is you feel insecure with, it all comes inside you. You are the only one who knows your inside insecurities and you are the only one who can make that change!
There are three things I consider we should work on in order to overcome our insecurities…
1. Voice Therapy
This Therapy is powerful because it identifies the negative beliefs that drive us to a maladaptive behavior. The process helps people learn how to verbalize these negative thoughts in second person, bring out the emotions, respond to that voice, and make a change in their behavior. As I mentioned before, we have to modify our internal dialogue. Our internal voice is preventing us from living the life we want. It is blocking our way to a successful lifestyle. We have to respond to our internal thoughts and change them into a pleasant contemplation.
http://https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UM1Nd0yigGQ ——> (CLICK TO WATCH VIDEO. 5 steps of Voice Therapy.)
2. Surround yourself with supportive people
There comes a moment in life where we need to get rid of the negativity around us. By this, I include unsupportive people who some how manage to drag you down. There are only a few people who are really there for you. Stick to them! Family, friends or even people you barely know might be the ones who really get to you. Those people are the ones who remind you of your uniqueness. They appreciate you, support you and give you a truthful feedback on your actions and thoughts.
It is hard for some of us to protect ourselves, but your priority is you! To achieve our well-being we must take decisions and choose. In this case, we are choosing ourself. We are clearing our blocks and pumping ourselves with things that bring us light.
Exercise: Draw a circle and two other circles inside. Inside the first circle (inner) name the people you feel most attached to and make you feel wonderful. Name those people who are always by your side, guiding, supporting and loving you. In the next circle, name people who are in your daily life, who you hang out with, have fun, but don’t find that trust you need. In the last layer of the circle, mention those people who are in some way getting to you in a negative way. Those people who bring negative thoughts, envy, competition, etc.
Once you are done, have a look at the circles. Now you have a clear vision of people you need to be surrounded by and people you have to let go.
It may seem dramatic, but why would someone want to be surrounded by people who are arising unpleasant emotions, making you feel unworthy and put you down? No one does. Therefore we must choose and make a change!
Sometimes we stick to others because we admire and envy their lifestyle. We want to stay attached to them to create our own identity. That is not really who you are. We have to let go and not be afraid to share the person you are. If you look at the circle, you can see that you are not alone! You have people supporting you!
3. Trust Yourself!
Act like you know more than what you actually do.
This seems silly, but the fact of believing that you know more about something that you actually don’t, automatically gives you a sense of confident. You are telling yourself that you can do it, that you know about it and that you are not scared. Your brain interpretes that and acts accordingly.
When I was doing my Practicum at the hospital I felt lost, nervous, uncertain, and wasn’t sure I could interview any patient and/or find the adequate therapy for them. A second year psychology resident told me – “Just pretend you know more than you do, and no one will feel you are new at it.” I processed these words and has helped me ever since!
We must know that the insecurity we feel is invisible! No one can see it! If you show it eventually people will realize you are shy, weak and insecure and it is then when you feel even more insecure. We are concerned about what others are thinking about us and constantly want to please them.
We have to trust in ourselves and believe we are able to confront the unknown and stressful situations. Just by the thought of believing in it we become more secure and confident.
There are eventually more ways to overcome insecurities and depending on the person one way helps more than another. These are some tips I consider we should put in practice in order to get rid of our destructive thoughts about ourselves and others. Believing in yourself and putting yourself out there are key to live a pleasant and worthy life. Don’t be scared of who you are and what you desire, because you come first and you are not alone! Being secure of yourself means you are believing in your self with humility!